May 2024 - Gratitude - A growth tool
The path up to Mt. Fløyen in Autumn 2023, Bergen, Norway - Photo by: James Hansen
Growth in Gratitude
For me, gratitude has become an integral part of life, I noticed I was starting to get miserable and angry for lots of different reasons. Even small things would just set me off. It could be that there was lots of traffic, drag myself out of bed, feeling like there was really no point to life, questioning what the point in doing anything was, and, overall, I couldn’t really seem to see the good in anything. It was a very negative time. But two things that helped change this mindset were:
Awareness of the negativity and impact it was happening.
The conscious choice to be grateful, to intentionally look for things to be grateful for.
I can’t exactly pinpoint when this change happened, and I wasn’t really the type back then to do things like ‘Gratitude Journaling’ (although I do recommend this now). It is a very useful tool, especially writing it by hand and not typing it! It seems to be a little more “real” and “genuine” when written by hand instead of typing it over a computer. However, for me what worked, was by just starting small. As you read in the newsletter, there were three types of gratitude I described:
Immediate: You receive something and are happy, so you are thankful.
Observational: You take the time to stop and appreciate what you have.
Resilient: You acknowledge a negative experience, then reframe it to see what benefits you learnt, and grew from as a result.
Obersvational
I found Observational was the easiest, so I started with that. This came about by just taking the time during the day to stop and analyze what I really had, then be more aware of how lucky I really was. So in my case, it would be things like: Having a job, food to eat, a roof over my head, a car to drive, etc. Other times, this would involve being outside having some quiet time in nature and just being grateful for the warmth of the sun, enjoying being in the cool of the shade, having the ability to walk, or even smaller things such as the ability to see (something many of us I am sure take for granted). Each day, especially during a lunchbreak, I would just stop and try and find a few things to be grateful for. It wasn’t an extensive list, or something I even wrote down, but it did help me to really appreciate what I had.
Immediate
Concurrently, Immediate gratitude was also very easy, mainly because it was more habitual, and the manners of saying, “thank you”, were ingrained into me since childhood (I probably took that for granted too 😅). However, Immediate gratitude was something I still had to become more ‘aware’ of. By that I mean, instead of just saying ‘thank you’, did I really mean it? Was I actually grateful? Or just saying it out of polite courtesy? That’s where the awareness for Immediate gratitude came into play, and so when people helped me with something, I made sure that even something as small as my “thank you’s” were just that bit more intentional. I wanted to really make sure I meant it and was genuinely grateful.
Resilient
Now… Resilient gratitude - This is by far the most recent one, and one I had not really thought of until recently, and I didn’t know how to word it until I actually started writing the newsletter. It just didn’t have a name, I could tell you what to do, and how it works, but I didn’t have a name for it. The easiest way I learnt to use Resilient gratitude was actually a bit different. Sometimes (very rarely), I could be grateful in the moment for something frustrating or negative, but more often than not, I wasn’t. What I have learnt however, is to instead just be patient in the situation you are in. Acknowledge that it’s negative. Then analyze, deal with, and solve the problem. Afterwards, reflect on the scenario and see what you learned. That’s how I learnt Resilient gratitude. Not through the immediate scenario, but by reflection and observation. By giving myself the time to calm down and reflect on the scenario later on, the lingering feelings of frustration had passed, and I could see and read the situation a little more clearly. Then, while acknowledging that the scenario wasn’t great, I could find the good in it and then have a reason to be grateful.
Let’s give an example:
You’ve had a real rough, busy day at work. You were flat out all day, and got to the point of fury and exhaustion because you were made to do everything and others weren’t willing to help. You even let your temper get loose at one point and had to stop and sit down because of it. You’re at home and had some time to settle down now. How can you learn Resilient Gratitude in that time?
Acknowledge the situation - It was hard, rough, you hated it, and just wanted to get out of it, but you couldn’t. You just had to work and deal with it, and move on.
Calmly observe and reflect on the situation - What do you remember about it? How did you handle it? How could you do it differently next time?
Learn and reframe - What did you learn from this situation? Where is the positive experience you can be grateful for? - From this example, I could say you learnt the start of, or further growth in ‘stress management skills’. So that is something to be grateful for. Perhaps, next time, you could see if others would be more willing to help, or maybe acknowledge the fact that not everything could be done, and that that’s ok. Maybe you can reflect and find another way to calm your temper. Now you are aware of the temper scenarios like that and can make something to manage it. That awareness of your own temper is another thing you can be grateful for.
I am confident you get the point. Personally, I find Resilient gratitude to be the hardest, because it takes much more active reflection. However, Immediate gratitude is something that is almost always taken for granted, so be aware to make those, “thank you’s” genuine. Like for example, when you last had some time with a friend, did you just say ‘bye’? Or did you thank them for the time you spent together before saying goodbye?*
*It’s not a bad thing to not say thank you here. Everyone’s friendship is different, but this is just a practice I like to do to show my appreciation for someone who wants to spend time with me.
View from Løvstakken, Bergen, Norway - Photo by: James Hansen
My Gratitude Practices
My current habits for gratitude are a bit different. My routine consists of being grateful first thing in the morning and the very last thing before bed. Now, in the morning, I find something to be thankful for, even if it is as simple as a good night’s sleep, or a comfortable bed to be in. At night, it’s usually something I will reflect on from the day that I enjoyed and could be grateful for, e.g. time with a friend, or getting some time to draw etc. Also, I try to not be too repetitious with what I am grateful for, e.g., not just saying ‘I am grateful for a bed’ every morning, because I feel it loses it’s spark, like, I am not as genuine about it. Therefore, I try to find other things to be grateful for when I wake up, and go to bed.
During the day, I just keep an eye out for things to be grateful for, like if someone helps me with something, I will thank them, or, during a lunchbreak, just taking the time to stop and enjoy the moment for lunch, or the weather, or something else. If something difficult does happen during the day, I would do as I wrote above, deal with it, then reflect on it later on and find the good in it instead.
My final notes and thoughts on how I use gratitude, and that it helps you: Find something that helps you get fit, or stay fit and healthy. One; because it gets you fit and healthy, and two, it gives you something to be grateful for, or something you can find to be grateful for. Also, make time for friends… I can’t tell you how important this really is; be thankful for friends, especially as you get older, because it does get harder to make or even keep friends for a lot of people. Make the time for them. I know the world is busy, we’re all busy so often, but MAKE the time. It is worth it.
So… That’s it for this blog! Thanks for reading, and if you have any questions, you can contact me and I’ll do my best to respond! I am writing these and the newsletters while doing separate work at the moment, so I hope and will do my best to help!
Until next blog,
James Hansen
